Slices of Life, Vol. 14

Driving home from work recently, I drove through a light that turned red just as I cleared it:

Nathaniel: "MOMMY! Why did you go through that yellow light? Yellow means SLOW DOWN, not DRIVE FASTER."

Me: "Well, I was driving too quickly to stop safely when it turned yellow, but you're right. I should have stopped and not driven through the light."

Nicholas: "MOMMY, YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE. I GOING TO SPANK YOU."

Nathaniel: "Well, Nick-a-liss, you don't need to spank her, but she needs to obey all the laws so we don't get a ticket."

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Me: "Nicholas, are you poopy?"

Nicholas: "No." [pause] "I'm lying."

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In the car driving home from school recently [and I STILL don't know where this came from]:

Nathaniel: "Mommy, why do some pirates have their hands cut off?"

Me: "Well, I guess when they've made another pirate angry, the other pirate might cut their hand off. It's really gross and really mean."

Nathaniel: "Yeah. So why do they put a hook on their hand?"

Me: "Well, for instance, they can pick their socks and PJs up off the floor with their hook."

Nathaniel: "AND chop other pirates' hands off?"

Me: "Uh, I guess."

Then, a minute later:

Nathaniel: "Mommy, why would they pick up their socks and PJs with their hook?"

Me: "Well, how else would they do it?"

Nathaniel: "With their other hand."

Me: "Oh. Yes, that works, too."

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Last night I got nostalgic while the boys were eating supper.

Me: "You guys are growing up so quickly. It makes me sad."

Nicholas: "Mommy, I Will Not Grow Up."

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Nathaniel: "Mommy, how old are you?"

Me: "Thirty-three."

Nathaniel: "WHAT? I thought you were FIVE."

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Me: "Nicholas, no sir. You cannot hit your brother in the face with the light saber."

Nicholas: "Do Not Tell Me NO. That is UNSEPTABLE." [unacceptable]



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