TargetWatch '09: And the winner is ...

So the grand opening the other night was great.

OMG. Am I that cruel? YES I AM. I'm actually going to type some stuff and post some pictures before I tell you who won. Or you can scroll down, see if your name is there, and scroll back up to read this drivel later.

CONTINUING. The parking lot at My SuperTarget was quite the scene on Tuesday evening. There were two TV news crews, two high school bands, dance teams and cheerleading squads, a fire truck and two police SUVs.

(You're welcome, four boys who read my blog.)

Once I navigated through the maze of pleated skirts and made my way through the automatic doors, I was treated to a glimpse of Gloriously Gleaming Red Carts, safely entombed behind a fingerprint-free wall of glass.

Next up, A TARGET CAKE! If you ask me, it looks a smidge like it could be featured on Cake Wrecks ... I'd think with Tar-jay's budget, they could have done a little better ... but the sight of all those gelatinous red bulls-eyes was still a salve for my soul. WELCOME TO MY SUPERTARGET.

As I made my way past the cake (no slice for me ... it's not a Jenny Food), I lingered in Cosmetics, stopping to notice how pwetty everything was and how neatly everything was lined up.

Clearing Cosmetics, I found Household Cleaners just a few aisles down the line. All labels facing front and center. Just like I like 'em.

Just beyond Household Cleaners I ran into THIS guy. The mascot for our local minor-league baseball team WAS IN THE PET AISLE, checking everything out.

I like a guy with a sense of humor.

As I turned the corner I was suddenly in dishware. HOLIDAY DISHWARE. Oh, my. Look at those snowflakes!

Or asterisks. Whatever they are, they are cute and they are positively FLUSH with the holiday spirit.

Matching nesting bowls! Be still my beating heart!

Nutcrackers creep me out a little bit. Always have. But I took a picture for you anyway, to help you get in the holiday spirit in October.

Then I moved backward in time, it seemed, to Halloween. (It is entirely possible that I didn't "experience the store" in the manner they intended me to. I WAS weaving a little bit. I was drunk on Target.) They had ginormous bags of candy corn. Candy corn isn't on Jenny, either. CURSES.

And incongruously, near the candy corn were debutantes with tiny waists. They were -- wait for it -- lined up in the frozen food section waiting to eat samples of ice cream. How very Scarlett O. of them.

After the debs caught my eye, I turned back around to the Fall decorations. I saw LOTS of things that I would love to put on my mantel.

Helllllllo, grapevine pumpkins. We've never met, BUT I LOVE YOU.

After I tore myself away from the grapevine pumpkins, I headed back toward the front of the store. There were a fair number of people there, but the store is so big that I hardly ran into anyone else once I started browsing the aisles.

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT THIS IS THE LARGEST STORE THAT TARGET HAS EVER BUILT? Yes. The biggest SuperTarget ever is in Alabama. I think we ought to start using that as our state tourism tagline.

I was admiring their nice selection of scrapbooking supplies when I heard music. Not music from the PA system or the angels who sometimes sing when I see cute scrapbook paper, but LIVE MUSIC.

I followed the sound and found THESE GUYS jammin' in Boys' Sportswear.

They were having a GREAT time and were all smiles, regardless of the fact that they were singing to me and a bunch of socks.

And pretty close to them, I found THESE LOVELY FOLKS!

They were making balloon animals for kids out of Target balloons. I kind of wanted one for myself, but I was too embarrassed to ask. I suppose I could have fibbed and told them it was for one of the boys, but I didn't want to disgrace Those Hallowed Halls with a fib.

Speaking of the boys, I didn't forget that I had children while I was there ... I was very sure what I was going to try to find for them, and I wanted to save that stop until last so that I could go straight from there to the registers.

Scanning, scanning, scanning .... aha! I found EXACTLY what I was looking for!

I got the older boys two of each of those styles. They're long-sleeved, and I guarantee you they will wear them until they are WORN OUT.

I found one cute vintage-looking Mickey Mouse shirt for Jake in the Toddler section. While I was there, I noticed THIS atrocity:

WHAT ARE WE, PEOPLE? ANIMALS?

There. That's better.

Bored yet? ALMOST DONE. I blew by the Toy section on my way to the registers ... I saw this on an endcap and was tempted.

But then I remembered that I can STILL FEEL the invisible bruise I got on the dead center of the bottom of my left foot from stepping on a Lego creation two whole weeks ago, AND I HAD NO TROUBLE LEAVING IT FOR SOME OTHER MOTHER TO BUY.

As I walked past The Spot (where everything costs one dollar), I noticed how PRISTINE it was. Everything was stacked evenly, in order, and there was plenty of each item.

I give it two days, and then it will look like my kids have been there. Which is to say that it will look as though a tornado came through and left destruction in its wake.

While I was checking out, the cashier was talkative and kind. I noticed that the Customer Service desk was active and ready to serve, but there were no takers. I really don't know why they need a desk ... I personally can't imagine returning anything to SuperTarget. What would you take back? IT'S ALL GOLDEN.

It was a glorious experience! I wish all of you could have been there with me. (Did you think I would write more? Can you believe I wrote so much? DO I NEED TO GET A LIFE?)

Anyway, without further ado, I am pleased to announce that the winner of the $100 Target gift card is: Handy Family! (Comment number 34)

AND, because I got so excited while I was in the store and just couldn't HELP myself, I went ahead and purchased a second gift card, one worth $50.

And THAT one is going to someone whose name we pulled from a bowl that contained the names of all the people who Commented in August and September. A MUCH SMALLER POOL OF APPLICANTS.

And I am pleased to announce that the winner of the $50 Target gift card is: Rachel!

CONGRATULATIONS to both of you! I am so excited for you! Please e-mail me your mailing addresses at stainsofgrass at yahoo dot com and I will mail your gift cards out tomorrow.