There's more where THIS came from

Now, I'll give you that the contributors over at Ruminations usually start off with a gross generalization such as "The worst feeling in the world is ..." or "Every single time I ...," but they follow it up with such funny stuff that I feel absolutely COMPELLED to share some of them every now and then. Because the absolute worst thing in the world, ever!, would be not to share the funny. Carry on.

- I'm 100% convinced that whenever I'm behind one of those trucks transporting about 18 cars, they're all going to fall on me and I'm going to die. Realistically I doubt this would ever happen, but you can bet your a** I'm switching lanes right now.

- I wish I could copy and paste things onto paper with my eyeballs.

- Yes, I'm pretty sure I turned the oven off before we left, but now that you ask, I'm pretty sure our apartment is definitely burning to the ground right now.

- I really can't wait until the day when I can hum a song into my computer and Google will tell me the name and artist.

- “This person was dumber than we initially thought" should be a valid and legal reason to fire anybody.

- There is no worse feeling than a failed nap.

- Nothing is more excited than turning the radio on and hearing the chorus of your favorite song. And nothing is more disappointing than realizing it's the end of the song.

- The worst feeling in the world is when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you.

- I hate scrolling down through all the U's just to find the United States ... No, I am not from Uganda.

- Can we please just stop the "I can't believe it's the end of the month" conversation already? I don't think I can go another 60 some odd years listening to people constantly getting surprised by time moving forward.

- I can never gauge accurately how much dressing to put on a salad or how much sauce to put on spaghetti. It's kind of ridiculous, actually.

- A multivitamin a day keeps the vegetables away.

- Who decided that every home needs a fake drawer directly below the kitchen sink?

- No, Microsoft Word, my name is not spelled wrong.

- Why is the universal "Save" button logo still a floppy disk? I'm pretty sure they became obsolete about a decade ago.

- What is it about turning a picture black and white that makes people feel artistic?

- Does anyone actually sing in the shower? I’ve tried it. I was alone, yet still mortified by the result. But in the car with the stereo cranked up so I can’t hear myself? I'm hitting every note, and sometimes better than the artist. I just know it.

- I love it when an impatient person tries to pass me, only to find out they totally misjudged the other lane and have to get right back behind me. I wish a sign would pop up on my back window and say, "Hi, you look awfully familiar..."