Ruminations, because they make me laugh

Ohhhh, I just can't tell you how much I look forward to visiting Ruminations a couple of times a week. That site just cracks me up. Here are some of my recent favorites, in no particular order:

- In light of recent events, I find myself oddly comforted by the fact that whether or not you get cheated on has absolutely nothing to do with how hot you are.

- Missing a phone call from an unknown number is better than a good murder mystery.

- Ever caught yourself letting your mind wonder in a restaurant? Why is that guy eating by himself? Does he have any friends? Did he kill his friends? Did he kill my server?

- I feel like I'm in a NASCAR pit crew when the boss comes around and I have 3 seconds to look busy. Facebook, closed! ESPN, closed! Excel, maximize! Look like you're reading a work email, check! I'm a terrible employee...

- I'll make microwaveable popcorn right after I buy it but for some reason I usually don’t see it again until I'm foraging through my pantry like a starved rodent when I have no snacks & suddenly it appears like a mirage.

- I can never understand why some bands like to end a song with loud, obnoxious amplifier feedback. It's like being told a story then at the end someone screams into your ears at the top of their lungs for no reason.

- Nothing's worse than suddenly realizing mid-conversation that you've been setup to ask you something you don't want to do & you aren't prepared with an excuse.

- Nothing makes you feel more owned than getting cut off in traffic.

- Writing an ampersand makes me feel like I'm trying to draw a picture with the opposite hand.

- Why aren't dimmer switches standard in home bathrooms? I can't be the only person frying my pupils out in the middle of the night when nature calls.

- If it’s inappropriate to lick the plate at a seven course $200 a person restaurant, then give me more food, Frenchie. I could’ve had Chipotle.

- Frightening though it may be, the raw egg argument is never going to stop me from eating cookie dough.

- Units of volume would be much easier to conceptualize if they were based on the Solo cup.