Slices of Life, Vol. 29

Driving home after dinner at Ruby Tuesday one night, Nicholas was playing with a particularly noisy, annoying toy in the back seat. It was playing some kind of whacky electric guitar music.

Grayson: "Nick, please put that toy down."

Nick: [no response]

Grayson: "Nick, stop that noise and put the toy down."

Nick: [no response]

Grayson: "NICK. What part of 'Stop that' didn't you understand?"

Nick: "THE 'OP' PART."


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After eating a big meal recently ...

Nathaniel: "My waist hurts."


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At Disney World I was in line with Nick and Nathaniel to ride Space Mountain. As we got closer to the front of the line, Nick started to get really apprehensive about it because it was very dark.

Nick: "Mommy, I don't think I want to ride this."

Me: "Well, we're almost to the front of the line, so we need to go ahead and ride it. You'll be fine. I wouldn't take you on anything that would hurt you."

Nick: "I don't think I'm GOING to get hurt. I think I'm going to be SCARED."

Me: "We have to do it now. Look, it's almost our turn."

Nick: "YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME WHAT IT WAS LIKE BEFORE WE CAME IN HERE."

Me: "I've never ridden it before, buddy. I didn't KNOW what it was like before right now. And look, there's a little girl smaller than you right there who's about to ride it."

Nick: "THAT'S BECAUSE NOBODY TOLD HER WHAT IT WAS GOING TO BE LIKE!"


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Grayson was trying to get the boys out of the bathtub and ready for bed one night while we were at Disney World:

Grayson: "Come on, Nick. Time to get out and put PJs on."

Nick: "No."

Grayson: "Yes. It's after 9:30 and we have to get an early start in the morning to go to EPCOT. Get out, please."

Nick: "NO."

Grayson: "OK, here's the deal. Get out now, or you'll have to pay me one quarter for each additional time I have to ask you to get out."

Nick: "THAT is not a DEAL!"



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Nick: "Daddy, come play Civilization with me."

Grayson: "Hang on. I need to finish registering you for baseball. When is your birthday?"

Nick: "October 4th."

[approximately two minutes pass]

Nick: "DAD-DEEEEEE. WHEN can you come play Civilization with me?"

Grayson: "I need to finish registering Nathaniel for baseball."

Nick: "His birthday was December 19th and we had his party on December 12th. NOW ARE YOU READY?"



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On our last night at Disney World, Grayson had taken Nathaniel and Nicholas to ride Big Thunder Mountain Railroad while my sister and I watched the fireworks show with Jake.

Grayson had been putting the boys together for each ride so they wouldn't have to ride with strangers, and they'd ridden three times in a row. On the fourth time, Nathaniel wanted to ride by himself:

Grayson: "If you try to ride by yourself, they may put someone in the car with you that you don't know so they can have a full train. And you wouldn't know the person."

Nathaniel: [indignantly] "Daddy, I can TALK to people."



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We were getting out of the car at the Contemporary Hotel at Disney World for our scheduled supper, and we were close to being late for our reservation. I was hustling everyone out of the van, trying to get us inside on time, and Nicholas didn't appreciate being rushed.

Me: "Nick, come ON, buddy. We have to get inside quickly."

Nick: "No. I am NOT in a hurry."

Me: "WE ARE in a hurry, Nick. If we don't get there in just a minute, they might give away our reservation and we won't see Mickey, Minnie and everyone tonight."

[Nick jumps out of our rented minivan grudgingly and smacks the car next to us with the palm of his hand to show his displeasure.]

Me: [astonished] "NICK! Don't hit that car! It doesn't even belong to us!"

Nick: "WELL, neither does THIS one."

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While watching iCarly recently:

Nick: "Mommy, this is REAL-LIFE TV not a cartoon. Do you know how to tell?"

Me: "Nope. How do you tell?"

Nick: "Cartoons like Curious George are drawn with crayon. Real shows like THIS are drawn with MARKERS."

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Nathaniel had set up a "reading club" for himself and Jake behind the couch in the den, but Nick wasn't invited. [Mommy frown] So Nick announced that he was starting a club, too.

Nathaniel: "Well, my meetings are gonna be from 2:00 to 3:00."

Nick: "Well, so are mine; they're gonna be from 2:00 to 3:00 and Jake's invited to those."

Nathaniel: "OK, Nick, yours can be from 2:00 to 3:00, and mine will be from 3:00 to 4:00."

Nick: "WELL, MY MEETINGS ARE GONNA LAST FIVE TO SIX HOURS."


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While driving home from school one evening:

Nathaniel: "I can't wait to get home to see Jake!"

Me: "What about Nick?"

Nathaniel: "He calls me names and steals my covers in the bed, so, not so much."