HELLO, INTERNET!

PEOPLE. We have been here since Saturday with no Internet. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE.

The rental company just sent someone out and we finally have it fixed, so hopefully I'll be able to catch up soon. Rest assured, I've been thinking of you all and how lost you must be without me. I do not know how you were able to cope, but I bet it involved some hotdogs, a few hamburgers and maybe a pool or a beach. And if it just involved a nap on your couch, more power to you.

I will leave you with a (small) portion of my tech support call to the Internet guy at the rental company:

Me: "That's right, we have no Internet service."

Him: "Let's unplug the cable modem and the router and plug them back in."

Me: "I did that before I called you. I have this same setup at home, so I kind of knew what to try before we called it in."

Him: "Well, let's try it one more time."

Me: "Sure." [unplugging, waiting, replugging] "Still nothing."

Him: "Okay, remove the battery from the cable modem."

Me: "There's no battery in the cable modem."

Him: "Oh, they almost all have them. They have a battery backup."

Me: "I have it in my hands and I'm turning it over and sticking my fingernails in all the openings. There's no battery."

Him: "It could be on any one of the four sides."

Me: [blink blink]

Maintenance guy who was here to fix the Dispose-All but could hear Him through my cell phone: "There's no battery on there."

Me: "A MAN just said there's no battery. A MAN. Is that good enough?"