Slices of Life, Vol. 32

During the third week of school, Nathaniel came home dejected because his entire class was punished for talking too much in the halls. Their punishment was to forgo recess that day.

Nathaniel: "I wasn't even talking, Mommy."

Me: "I believe you, buddy."

Nathaniel: "Eighty percent of the class was talking, but I was TOTALLY SILENT."

Me: "Well, I agree that it doesn't seem fair, buddy, but if she couldn't isolate exactly who was talking and who wasn't, I guess she didn't have a choice."

Nathaniel: "Yeah, SOMETIMES THE INNOCENT HAVE TO SUFFER WITH THE GUILTY."

 * * * * *

Nathaniel had eaten a large breakfast recently and didn't want to eat lunch before heading out to the Cub Scout Ice Cream Social. However, Nick and Jake WERE eating their lunches.

Nicholas: "Daddy, doesn't Nathaniel have to eat his lunch in order to be able to eat ice cream?"

Grayson: "We'll see."

Nicholas: "SAY YES."

* * * * *

Recently our TableTopic of the evening was, "Name an ancestor you'd like to meet." I explained what an ancestor is, then:

Nathaniel: "I'd like to meet Daddy's brother who died in the car crash."

Nicholas: "Mop and Pop."

Me: "Well, buddy, that's so sweet, but Mop and Pop are alive. An ancestor is someone who died before you were born."

Nicholas: "I know. I DON'T WANT TO MEET DEAD PEOPLE."

* * * * *

When my family was here over Labor Day, my sister and Nicholas were playing "The Quiet Game." It's the best game of all time for parents, in which the players sit still and whoever goes the longest without making a sound wins.

Sarah Ellen: [silent]

Nicholas: [silent]

Sarah Ellen: [silent]

Nicholas: [burp]

Sarah Ellen: "I WIN!"

Nicholas: "WHY? I didn't say anything!"

Sarah Ellen: "You burped!"

Nicholas: "BURPS AND TOOTS DON'T COUNT."

********

That same weekend, my sister was sleeping when Nathaniel came in to wake her up.

Nathaniel: "Sarah Ellen, will you please come downstairs now?"

Sarah Ellen: "Umm …" [Looks at clock, which says 9:14] "I'll come down in 15 minutes. I'll be down there at 9:30."

Nathaniel: [sighs] "Okay."

Then as he heads out the door, he tosses a backward glance her way and says pointedly, "NINE TWENTY-NINE."

********

Every evening on the way home from school, the big boys and I cover Best & Worst. This is their first time to tell me about their day, so each one gets to tell me the best thing that happened during their day, as well as the worst.

Me: "OK, Nathaniel, best and worst, buddy."

Nathaniel: "Ummmmm, BEST was pizza for lunch, and worst wazzzzzzzzz, um, they didn't have any more Wimpy Kid books for me to check out during Library."

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe we can find some at the library this weekend. Nick, best and worst for you, boo."

Nicholas: "Best was pizza for lunch, DEFINITELY. And worst was that my art teacher was out sick."

Nathaniel: "Oh REALLY, Nicholas? Because I would think your worst would be that during Extended Day, you and Whitt got in a fight and you hit him and he cried and then you had to sit out of free play time in the gym."

Nicholas:  [shrugs]  "Nope."

 ********

At supper recently:

Nathaniel: "Where is Allie's birthday party going to be?"

Me: "Storyville Station. It's where DJ had his Star Wars birthday party."

Nathaniel: "Don't remember it."

Me: "Seriously? You remember EVERYTHING. You don't remember doing a light saber battle with Darth Vader and sliding the slide from the main floor to the basement?"

Nathaniel: "Ohhh, THAT place. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC."

********

While driving to supper one night:

Nathaniel: "Wait. Didn't there used to be a CVS there at one point? Where we used to pick up our prescriptions?"

Me: "Yeah, but a couple of years ago they changed it, and now it's a fitness club."

Nicholas: "By 'changed it,' do you mean they CUSTOMIZED it? Like painted it and made it all new?"

Me: "Yeeeeees. How do you know that word, Nick?"

Nick: [nonchalantly] "Ehh, I've heard it."

  ********

Jakey's pretty particular about what he wears. He likes to choose his clothes every day (he GREATLY prefers "cock-kees" to denim shorts), but every once in a while, he'll deign to let me choose. Recently:

Me: "Jakey, do you want to choose your shirt today, and do you want Mommy to choose?"

Jake: "Mommy choose."

Me: [delighted] "REALLY? Mommy gets to choose today?"

Jake: "Yes." [Points into his drawer at his orange skateboard shirt]  "YOU CHOOSE ORANGE."

   ********

For those of you who recently asked about funny things my kids say, if you're new to the blog and haven't already read them all, you can catch up on the 31 previous Slices of Life posts here. You know, when you have six spare hours.