In the past week, I've told Grayson I wanted a divorce three times.
Situation 1
We are driving to Atlanta last Friday night and he sneezes with the velocity and volume of the space shuttle taking off on its celebrated last voyage. I nearly run off the road and kill us all. "I WANT A DIVORCE."
Situation 2
I am piddling on my laptop on Wednesday night, fighting nausea to beat the band, and he is eating an apple in a chair near me. He is taking three chipmunk-style bites each time before he chews and swallows. Loudly, all of it. "I WANT A DIVORCE."
Situation 3
Yesterday at work, he e-mails me a picture with text that says, "I wanted to share my strawberry cake with you." The picture is a close-up of a big piece of my favorite cake with a fork in it. I e-mail him back, "I can't wait to eat it at home tonight." He tells me, "Sorry. My piece was on the bottom and I had to eat through yours to get to it."
"I WANT A DIVORCE."
My hormones are up and down. My stomach is up and down, as are its contents. Luckily we've been through this three times before and we know it will pass.
But let's just all pray for Grayson, bless his heart, that he will display better judgment for the next, oh, 11 weeks or so.
9 comments:
Those aren't just your hormones causing that attitude. That's because you are married to a MAN! My husband can sneeze so loud that it can trigger a migraine. He can make more noise rumpling up a plastic drink bottle or packing materials that I want to smack him across the face! Last night as I was reading online, he was in the kitchen clicking something. It went on for 3 minutes before I asked him what he was doing..."just clicking my pen". STOPPPPPP! Men, can live without them and can't live with them....but maybe....
In our house it's me that sneezes like that. My sister describes my sneezes like this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQHcolf9sEA
He probably won't. But on the bright side....we'll have a baby to spoil and cuddle soon. :) I expect the same day-long workday cuddle session I enjoyed when Jake was born. Thank you.
the strawberry cake tease was just wrong ;)
You clearly have anger management issues.
you are hilarious! thanks for commenting on my blog...i'm so happy to have found yours! =) p.s. you are my hero...mom to 3 and one on the way! omg...i am barely keeping it together with one! =)
You have no idea how much I enjoyed this post. Because seriously, I've been right there myself. Isn't it amazing what pregnancy hormones can do to you!!!
I really hope you feel better soon! The nausea, anyway. The hormones just keep getting worse, all the way through the birth. Poor Grayson. ;)
As I said to those of you whom I could e-mail, I think that if you have true marital troubles, you shouldn't throw the Big D around. But since we're pretty okay, it was actually pretty funny.
And when I sneezed loudly in Zoe's the other night, Grayson told me at the drink machine, "I WANT A DIVORCE!" Cracked me up.
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