Slices of Life, Vol. 35

Our children are ridiculously spoiled. Case in point: On one recent evening, Grayson, Nathaniel and I were piddling around on our laptops, Nicholas was on the old desktop PC, and Jake was playing "Angry Buhds" on the iPad.

Nick wasn't able to do something he wanted to do on the PC, so he felt it necessary to lament his plight loudly to the rest of us: "I am on the WORST computer in the whole HOUSE."

Someone might be due for a little poverty education via YouTube.

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Grayson: "Nathaniel, if I fix chicken pasta, will you eat that?"

Nathaniel: "Is that one of the dishes with menorah sauce?"

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Driving down to Railroad Park the other day, a song came on the radio that I didn't recognize. Just the first few bars had played when:

Jake: "Mommy. Is this Born This Way?"

Me: "I don't know, Jake. I don't know that song."

Jake: "I tink it is."

Me: "Let's wait until it gets to the chorus, and I'll tell you."  .....  "Well, YES, Jake, it IS Born This Way. I think it's Lady Gaga."

Jake: [bobbing his head]  "I tott so."

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One morning while the boys were getting ready for school, I overheard the following conversation they were having in their bathroom:

Nicholas: "NATHANIEL. LOOK."

Nathaniel: "What."

Nicholas: "My penis is pointing Straight Up and I don't even know HOW."  [gleefully]  If I peed right now, I'd pee right in my own FACE!"

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Nathaniel: "Mommy. Did you write down my reading in my Reading Log today?"

Me: "Yes."

Nathaniel: "Well, how long did you say I read for last night?"

Me: "I put an hour and a half."

Nathaniel: "You need to change it. I'd say I read between an hour and 43 minutes and an hour and 46 minutes a night."

I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE GETS THAT ANNOYING ATTENTION TO DETAIL.

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In early February school closed early because of sleet. As we pulled out of the parking lot toward home:

Me: "Well, I didn't see THIS coming."

Nathaniel: "Didn't see WHAT coming?"

Me: "The sleet. It wasn't in the forecast."

Nathaniel: "Well. It's actually not that surprising, because according to legend, everything's going just like it was planned."

Me: "What?"

Nathaniel: "Well, Birmingham Bill saw his shadow, so that means more winter weather. And this is DEFINITELY winter weather."

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Jake may have a future in advertising. A recent teeth brushing conversation with Grayson:

Jake: "Who is this?"

Grayson: "That’s Nick’s new toothbrush." [Unlike every other toothbrush we own, it has no characters or logo on it.]

Jake: "No one is on it. Iss bwo-ken."

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The other night Grayson knocked something over in the kitchen and yelled, "DAGNABBIT!"

Nicholas: "Mommy. That's a BAD word. And so is A-S-S. And so is BINCH. And Wal-tuh has called me ALL of those things."

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Nathaniel and Nicholas were debating the terms of gift card usage in the van the other night on the way home from supper:

Nathaniel: "Nicholas. You have to use it within a year or it starts losing money. Then it won't be worth as much."

Nicholas: "Of COURSE that's not true. We can save it for more than a year and wait to spend it 'til we have more money to go with it."

Nathaniel: "I'm TELLING you, we CAN'T. It says it right here, IN BRITISH."