Saturday laughs

This was a tough week, but one that ended wonderfully with Family Movie Night last night. We watched Tangled, and we all loved it. Even Jake put down his DS about 10 minutes into the movie and stayed transfixed the entire rest of the night.

Then I got to looking at several of the funnies I'd bookmarked over the past couple of weeks to share with you, and the laughter did me a world of good. Hope you enjoy them and that you have a fantastic Saturday, friends.

Courtesy of When Parents Text

Dad: Lets get serious. $5 for every mouse u kill before mom and I get home. Dad: $10 for every picture u take with a mouse tail in ur teeth. (20 minutes later) Dad: Need mouse update. I want proof of death. Send pics.

*****

 Me: I got an a+ on a paper this morning! Mom: fridge time.

  ***** 

DAD: (while in Mexico) Calls cost 99 cents per minute, so only call if you are on fire. Texts cost us 5 cents to receive, so not a big deal. If you suspect that a personal conflagration is imminent but aren’t allowed to call since you are not literally on fire yet, then text. Emails are free, so feel free to use them entirely at your discretion, even if you are merely thinking about fires. xo

   ***** 

mom: dad and i are getting divorced.

me: WHAT??!!!!

mom: AH-HAH! your phone DOES work!

 ***** 

Mom: We accidentally packed bananas on our trip and forgot about them. One got all smushed on Ben’s math book. He’s so upset b/c it smells like bananas. Dad washed the book and is now BLOW DRYING the pages for Ben. OMG.

  *****

 Dad: Mom lost her sunglasses in the ocean today. She was all “I was ok until that one wave hit me.” Now she keeps talking about how she hopes Ariel is enjoying her ray-bans.

 *****

ME: i got the package with my charger in it today. thanks for the shoes! that was a nice surprise!

MOM: You’re welcome. Did you notice the leftover crackers we put in there?

ME: umm yeah…

MOM: Well no one here was going to eat them

*****

MOM: I just wanted to let you know that if you ever committed a serious crime, I wouldn’t turn you in.

MOM: But I would really encourage you to turn yourself over to the police.

(15 minutes Later )

Mom: tonight I’m making tex-mex!

*****

Mom: Saw the social network last night. Mark Z totally did steal those twin boys’ idea!

*****

Me: Can i get a tattoo?
Dad: If it can fit on your penis then u have my blessing.
Me: What?!?!
Dad: U read it right… u can forget about getting it any place im gonna see it.

 *****

Me: Mom, would you still love me if I dropped out of school to be a stripper?

Mom: Maybe.

Mom: No.