My sincerest condolences

Two of my blog readers are sisters-in-law. They have both commented regularly over the years, and most recently they responded to my plea for Words with Friends friends, and we've been enjoying spirited WWF games for a couple of months now.

While I don't know either of them in real life, I was devastated to hear that one of them lost her 5-year-old daughter, K, to an E. coli infection yesterday afternoon. (I'm not using their names for privacy reasons, because I didn't ask them if I could post this.)

I just wanted to ask you to pray for their entire family and keep K's 8-year-old brother, C, at top of mind. I cannot IMAGINE in any way, shape or form losing one of my boys ... and the loss would be compounded many-fold by trying to help the surviving boys understand the "Why" of it all.

I'd appreciate your prayers on their behalf so very much.

It's finally Friday

Well, Internet, it's been a tough week for me physically with the pregnancy. I would give you more information -- because you KNOW how I love to give you TMI -- but trust me. You don't want to hear these particular woes.

I'm so glad the week of sitting in an office chair is coming to an end, and tomorrow morning I'm heading up to Smith Lake with the big boys for a day of fun in the sun with my friends Lisa, Honor and their families. (Grayson's keeping Jake here. After The Beach Incident, I cannot handle the thought of keeping track of all three boys in a man-made lake that is over 100 feet deep in many places. I told you ... I think I have PTSD. I'm still not over it.)

I can't wait to visit and laugh with the girls, play with their kids and give this body a rest. And of course I'll try to take a picture or two.

I wanted to share with you a couple of things I found funny or interesting this week to tide you over until I can get back to you with Real Content.

Abraham shared this collage photo of a bunch of high divers' faces. It made me smile.

It reminds me of all the divers I've watched during the Summer Olympics and how funny I thought their faces looked during the slow-mo replays. And also of the Olympic Games that included high diving that my sister and I used to play on our Commodore 64 via a floppy disk. Good times.

Wendy shared this great hatch-print type of poster that features a great sentiment about being a parent. I suppose if I were making my own, I might tweak it just a bit (like, I'm not really interested in being anyone's worst nightmare), but I love it anyway.

And Abraham came through once again with this bib that made me laugh.

I may just have to get Unnamed Baby Girl one.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 17

1. It may or may not surprise you to hear that I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to get my boys to say "bottom" instead of "butt." It occurs to me that it is a losing battle and my time would be better spent trying to get them not to say things like "ass," which they've heard several times (and reported to me about) on the new show Falling Skies -- which they are watching with Grayson despite my disapproval.

2. I'm probably within one week of no longer being able to fit through our shower door. SHHH. Don't tell Jake. That will only give him more ammunition to comment on my size.

3. Grayson asked me the other day, unsolicited: "So do you think by the time the baby gets here you'll be COMPLETELY grey? Or will there still be a little brown left in your hair?" Because seriously, y'all, it's about time for some covering up of the grey. It's practically the dominant color on my head. And also: It's a good thing I'm not the sensitive type.

4. School registration brings out the worst in me. I say, if you made me register online, then don't have me come in during a four-hour window on a work day to fill out the same damn information all over again on paper. TWICE, BECAUSE I HAVE TWO KIDS THERE. Every single thing on the paper forms, I'd already completed online. And yet. AND YET.  I'm telling you, it makes me hate a school I ordinarily love.

5. Speaking of ... You don't see me using a lot of foul language here, because that's not really how I roll. But when I'm pregnant, boy oh boy is there a lot of it going on in my head most of the time. There are just some times when a good old F-bomb goes off in my head, and I must say, I feel like a total CHAMP for not letting it rip out loud. If your virgin eyes can take it, here's one of my recent uncensored thoughts verbatim. On popcorn in my house: Don't pop that shit in a hot-air popper if you don't plan to clean it up yourdamnself.

I should be embarrassed, I know. But I can't help it. It's the hormones. Back to my regular censored self tomorrow.

A Sunday full of adventure

** Photo disclaimer that I forgot to post yesterday: I only had my little, broken camera with me over the weekend, so you will notice that all pictures from yesterday’s and today’s posts were taken from one angle and one distance with no flair whatsoever. My apologies to your eyes. **

 

Since we never made it to Alabama Adventure on Saturday, we decided to make a go of it on Sunday afternoon. We arrived around 12:30 and made our way over to the waterpark side. I stayed over there with Nathaniel and Jake for a while so that Grayson and Nicholas could go to the amusement park side and ride some of the rides that were high on their list.

While we usually stay on the toddler side of the waterpark for Jake, on Sunday he wanted to go to one of the Big Kid areas to play.

It has a huge bucket that dumps water on everyone periodically, and at first it scared Jake (you can see him running from the shower below), but eventually he warmed up to it and laughed hysterically every time it rained down.

He practiced his self-taught “swimming” moves every chance he got. He loved holding his breath and swimming like a little frog in the shallower pools.

He was anxious to test his swimming ability in the lazy river, as well.



After a little more than an hour, Grayson and Nick came back, and Nick joined in on the waterslide.

I was so proud of Jake, because he rode one of the big waterslides all by himself for the first time (after some test runs – three with me and three with Nathaniel). He LOVED it!

Nathaniel and Nick both went down head-first ... the more exciting, the better, in their minds.

Once Nick and Grayson were back, Jake wanted to show Grayson how he could go down the slide ... but he wanted Grayson to go with him.

Around 3:00, we took a snack/drink break, and as if it weren’t uncomfortable enough to be pregnant in the Hot, Hot Alabama Summer, while we were snacking, I got bitten on the nipple by a fire ant that had worked its way into my swimsuit.

 

OH YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT.

 

Left nipp, fire ant from hell. Bit me three times before I realized what was happening. If this has never happened to you while pregnant, LET ME ASSURE YOU that it is something you want to avoid at all costs.

 

By the time we got home around 6:00, the poison was spreading, and I literally had visible red streaks radiating out across my sternum. PAINFUL DOESN’T BEGIN TO COVER IT, INTERNET. I had to take Benadryl to get to sleep, and even then it took two hours to fall asleep. PAIN. FUL.

 

Anyway, back to Alabama Adventure, because I am nothing if not game for sucking it up in the name of fun.

Before we left the park altogether, we took a detour by the amusement park side so that Nathaniel and Jake could experience the fun of the newest ride, Buzzsaw Falls.

It is very tall. (And I'm sure you're thinking, "SHE LET HER 3-YEAR-OLD GET ON THAT?")

I wasn’t sure Jake would want to ride it, but he was ALL ABOUT BUZZSAW FALLS.

That's my little family -- my four guys! -- waving to me from the very front of this boat. Again, you have no idea how much I wish I’d had a zoom lens on me, because their expressions were priceless, absolutely PRICELESS.

The ride lasts about two minutes from start to finish, because the boat just climbs the track, makes a wide turn and comes hurtling down the other side.

I cannot TELL you how much they loved it!

There were so few people left in the park by that time that they got to ride it several times without ever getting out of the boat. SO MUCH FUN! I was totally jealous.

They must have ridden it eight or nine times in a row ... and they loved it more and more each time. Jake was screaming with happiness and excitement all the way down.

The big boys got to the point where they were raising their hands in the air all the way down. "Look, Mommy! No hands!"

Once they got off the boat, they could run over to the observation deck and get totally drenched by the next boat’s splash. And when I say “next boat's splash,” I mean it was a blinding, incapacitating wall of water that was capable of knocking over grown adults. And did. I witnessed it personally.

 

See? Here’s the deck as the watchers are waiting for the boat to come down:

And here’s the deck as the boat makes its landing:

I was standing just inches outside of the splash range so that my already-broken camera wouldn't stop working altogether, but for two of the landings I stowed my camera in the bag at my feet and ran up to the deck to experience the splash with the boys. SO MUCH FUN!

If I haven't given you enough insight into how much fun they were having, here's one quick picture of Jake as he ran down the walkway to tell me how "INCWEDIBLE " it was ...

We will be making a trip back to Alabama Adventure soon, I'm sure. And NEXT Summer, watch out! Someone's gonna have to hold the baby while I take MY turn on Buzzsaw Falls!

Redneck slip-n-slide

Saturday morning we got up and went to the pool, but we came home at 2:00 -- early for us, but Grayson was planning to take the big boys to Alabama Adventure later in the afternoon, and we wanted to have some time to rest before they left.

When we got home, however, I decided to water the flowers with the hose, and since the boys were already in their swimsuits, well ...

That situation just lent itself to playing in the front yard, getting wetter and wetter.

We haven't had an actual Slip-n-Slide in a couple of years, but I pulled out one of the Cub Scout camping tarps and some dishwashing liquid, and the rest is history.

If you have a tarp and a hose, generic dishwashing liquid will do the trick to make your tarp slippery and ready for lots of FUN!

Now, I'm not gonna claim that this combo won't turn your yard into a holy mess ...

But I WILL say that your kids will think you're a total genius, and there's a lot to be said for that.

It's also a great diversion for a 95-degree day.

And as dirty as the kids get as the yard turns to muddy slush, remember! They're also sliding on dishwashing liquid. SOAP!

If you're me, you might ALMOST be tempted to call it a bath.

See? Here's the rinse cycle:

We did this for almost two solid hours.

No kidding. I finally had to cut them off at the two-hour mark.

A responsible mom has to draw the line SOMETIME when her kids are hurtling through the yard toward a concrete driveway, ya know?

Totally worth the time and effort spent. Did I mention that as we headed inside, Nathaniel declared it the Best. Day. Ever?

'Cause he did.

Friday funny

Guess what I did last night. I got in bed at 9:30 AND WENT TO SLEEP.

That's worthy of all caps, because that happens maybe once a year. But last night was the magical night, and I slept all the way until 5:20 when I had to get up and go to the bathroom. (That's another miracle in itself, because these days I have to go like three times a night.) (You're welcome for that tidbit.)

Anyway, given that we didn't get home from a Cub Scout outing until 8:45 and then I pretty much fell in bed, I didn't have time to write anything. But I saw this gem a few days ago and it made me laugh, so I wanted to share it with you.

Clueless parents FTW!

In which I discuss celebrity divorces

So I wasn't surprised to read that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are getting divorced. There are a lot of couples in which the man and woman are both celebrities, and in many cases (inside my judgey, judgey head) I just assume that they'll end up divorced.

But there are a lot of dual-celebrity couples who I really root for, who I feel like will really make it ... be another 'til-death-do-us-part couple like Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.

Here's a list of celebrities who I would be surprised and truly saddened to hear are divorcing:

1. Brad Paisley and Kimberly Williams
2. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner
3. Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman
4. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill
5. Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson

What about you? I know my sister has some opinions on this Very Important Matter, so I'm assuming others do, too.

Slices of Life, Vol. 37

Nathaniel and Nicholas were arguing in the van recently over something Harry Potter plot-related. Of course I was busily tuning them out until I heard this:

Nicholas: "You're trying to make me look like a fool!"

Nathaniel: "Oh, you don't need ME to help make you look like a fool."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

On the day of Nathaniel's last baseball game of the season, I was walking out of the ballpark with Jake when we approached two posts set about two feet apart. It was safer to walk between them rather than move to the right and step into the busy parking lot, so I headed straight ahead, with Jake trailing a few feet behind me.

Jake: "MOMMY. STOP."

Me: "What is it, buddy?"

Jake: "YOU CAN'T FIT."

I would like to state, for the record, that I CAN, in fact, still walk through a two-foot-wide open space with little to no problem. But it's good to know Jakey's on the lookout for me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Several days later, Jake and I took a trip to Target to pick up a few things. As we walked up to the double glass doors that open electronically to let you in the store (the DOUBLE glass doors), I think Jake decided he needed to renew his objection:

Jake: "MOMMY. STOP."

Me: "What is it? Are you going to tell me you don't think I can fit through those doors?"

Jake: "Yes. You are too big for Alabama."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I am all about a teachable moment. In this case, we exceeded any expectations of "teachable" that I could possibly have had. While driving home on the last day of school, Nathaniel rolled down his window and stuck his hand out to feel the breeze.

Nicholas: “NATHANIEL. You are NEVER supposed to stick your hand out the window.”

Nathaniel: “Why? ‘Cause it’ll get knocked off?”

Nicholas: “YES. Right, Mommy?”

Me: “Well, it’s possible. I remember one time several years ago, a local football team and cheerleaders were in a school bus on their way home from a big win. One of the cheerleaders stuck her head out the window while the bus was moving, and a telephone pole or stop sign hit her in the head and killed her. It was so tragic.”

Nicholas: “Did it knock her head OFF?”

Me: “Yes, I believe so.”

Nicholas: “WELL. I am for sure never sticking my PENIS out the window.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jake pulled a sippy cup full of apple juice out of the fridge and took a big sip:

Jake: “Mommy. Is this appuh juice old?”

Me: “Well, it’s from last night, so it might be a little old.”

Jake: [takes another sip] “NO, IT’S A BIG OLD.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nicholas: “Ya know, we’re just really not into Zhu Zhu Pets anymore.”

Me: “Well, this would be a good time to get rid of them if you don’t want them anymore. I’m giving away lots and lots of stuff on Monday, and we can put the Zhu Zhu Pets out there with all of that.”

Nicholas: “Well, JAKE might want them. You COULD try to remember that you have a FAMILY.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nicholas asked me a question about something recently, and I suppose I gave what might have been considered a thoughtful, intelligent answer. He responded: “Mommy, you are really smart. I mean, you’re not as smart as ME … after all, I can spell half the word ‘octopus.’”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

At the pool the other day, I jumped in after the boys and surfaced to hear this gem:

Nathaniel: "Mommy. What do you call it when you jump in the pool?"

Me: "What?"

Nathaniel: "A 'tsu-mommy!' "  [hysterical laughter]

So, Internet, I've now apparently been upgraded to an official natural disaster.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

While the boys were watching TV one night, Nicholas was unwilling to let Nathaniel have the remote and choose a show to watch:

Nathaniel: "Nick, I just don't know how you're ever going to be able to keep a wife."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jake is often very proud of how cute he looks in pictures, because he's usually happy to mug for the camera and loves to show off his dimples. However, while we were at the beach and I was working on a blog post, he saw a picture of himself that wasn't all that flattering and said, "MOMMY. I wasn't cheezin'!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  

The night before we headed to the beach house, we stayed in a hotel. As we piled onto the elevator to go up to our room, the boys went first, Grayson got on with the luggage cart, and then I [literally] squeezed in  last. One of the boys pushed the button for our floor, and there was a little delay before the car started moving.

Nicholas: “Uh, do you think it will go up with you … I MEAN, do you think it will go up with all of US on it?”