Slices of Life, Vol. 43

Something's rotten in Denmark. And by that, I mean that somehow, sometime, someone left a food or drink in my van to rot, and I can't find it. It must be hidden under a seat, but I've looked everywhere and it's still a mystery to me. When we got in the van the other day:

Me: "GOSH. Whatever that is still STINKS. It's AWFUL. When I find out what it is and who left it there, somebody's gonna be in trouble."

Nathaniel: "Well, it wasn't me, and it DOES STINK."

Nick: "Just breathe with your mouth open. That takes care of it."

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jake was making a cookie for me using the Cookie Doodle app on his iPod the other day.

Jake: "What color piping do you want?"

Me: "I think ... red."

Jake:  [scanning the options]  "DAHN. No wed. Day only haff BUHGUNDY."

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

While talking to Nick and Nathaniel recently about the rising cost of college and the role they'll have to assume in helping pay for their educations:

Nick: "Well, I plan to get a scholarship."

Grayson: "You have to either study very, very hard and get straight As to earn an academic scholarship, or you have to be a star athlete."

Nick: "I know. I could get a scholarship for baseball. Or soccer. Or swimming."

[LIGHTBULB MOMENT]

Nick: "NO. CURLING. I'M GOING TO GET A CURLING SCHOLARSHIP." 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

One day at the pool, a Very Large Man jumped in near me and Jake.

Jake: "MOMMY, THAT MAN IS CHUBBY-FAT!" [delightedly and at top volume]

Me: "JAKE. We do not comment on people's appearance, especially if it's not flattering."

Jake: "But I was being nice."

Me: "No, you weren't. You were being rude."

Jake: "Well, it was a LITTLE BIT NICE."

Me: "Actually no, it wasn't."

Jake: "Well, it was FUNNY."

Me: "No, Jake it was DEFINITELY not funny."

Jake: "WELL, IT WAS A LITTLE BIT FUNNY."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Recently while Grayson was at an all-day Scout-training class, I took the kids downtown for the day. We got frozen yogurt at a great shop near my office, and then the boys wanted to walk the five blocks to Railroad Park instead of driving (as I'd planned). We'd been having fun at the park for a couple of hours when:

Nick: "MOMMY. I just saw lightning."

Me: "Okay, we need to start heading back to the car now. Don't want to get caught in a storm or get struck by lightning, right?"

Nathaniel: "Uh, HOW far is it back to the car?"

Me: "Five blocks."

Nathaniel: "Do we have an umbrella?"

Me: "No, but I think we'll make it."

Nathaniel: "WELL. I'm really glad I'm not a Boy Scout yet."

Me: "Why?"

Nathaniel: "Because Boy Scouts are always supposed to 'Be Prepared,' AND WE ARE DEFINITELY NOT PREPARED."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We ate at a local Chinese restaurant last weekend, and at the end of the meal, they brought out our fortune cookies. Nick asked everyone to read theirs aloud, then:

Nick: "If AMELIA had been given a fortune, it would say YOU WILL KEEP GETTING CUTER BY THE SECOND."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Me: "Nathaniel, what's your homework tonight?"

Nathaniel: "Well, I pretty much already did it."

Me: "What did it involve?"

Nathaniel: "Well, I was supposed to look at nature the way a scientist would."

Me: "So how did you do that?" 

Nathaniel: "I looked outside at a tree. But instead of just looking at it, I looked at it and said, 'Hmmmm.' " 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Completely out of the blue the other night while I was helping Nick with his spelling homework:

Nick: "So Mommy. Your name is Katherine Thompson Harmon, right?" *

Me: "Yes." 

Nick: "So next time you get married, will it be Katherine Thompson Harmon Something Else? Or just Katherine Thompson Something Else?"

Grayson: "Uh, Nick, do you know something I don't know?"

* Name changed for privacy reasons

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nathaniel recently had a consultation with an orthodontist about the braces he's going to get in a couple of weeks. We first met with a nurse for about 20 minutes, and then Dr. B came in and explained everything that he would do over the next 15 to 18 months, which took another 10 minutes or so.

Dr. B: "So, Nathaniel, do you have any other questions for me?"

Nathaniel: "Nope."'

[pause]

Nathaniel: "Oh WAIT. Yes."  [with both hands, pats the dental chair he's sitting in]  "How much does one of these cost?"

Dr. B: "The chair? How much do YOU think it costs?"

Nathaniel: "Oh, I'd say a couple hundred dollars. At LEAST."

Dr. B: "A good bit more than that, actually. That chair costs around $2,000."

Nathaniel: "WHOAAAAA!"

Dr. B: "Yep, it's not a cheap chair."

Nathaniel: "It's so comfortable ... I'd really like to have one for my room."

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

One morning after Nick got his laptop, he and Nathaniel were playing Minecraft as a team against a few other kids online. Grayson was in the room, listening to their chatter when he heard Nick complain:

Nick: "Maaaan, these guys are calling us CHEATERS. They're saying me and Nathaniel CHEATED just because we're killing them."

[long pause as Grayson assumed the game was continuing, then ...]

Nick: "B-U-T-T- ..."

Grayson: "Nick, what are you doing?"

Nick: "I'm typing 'butthead.' I want to call that guy who's calling me a CHEATER a BUTTHEAD."

[Not to worry. Grayson nipped it in the bud.]