Slices of Life, Vol. 44

While we were sitting around the other night, and completely apropos of nothing:

Nick: "Well, we're having crispitos at school tomorrow for lunch, so you'd better get ready for some stinky toots tomorrow night. Happens every time we have crispitos."

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nathaniel was typing a short story on his laptop for a homework assignment, periodically pausing to ask me how to spell words.

Nathaniel: "How do you spell 'properly'?"

Me: "P-r-o-p-e-r-l-y."

Nathaniel: "No, not 'properly,' 'PROBERLY'."

Me: "Use it in a sentence."

Nathaniel: "If you take my laptop, I will PROBERLY hit you."

Me: "Oh, yes. P-r-o-b-a-b-l-y."

Nathaniel: "Yeah, that's it." 

  

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Recently we were talking during supper and Grayson said something to Nick, then:

Nick: "HEY, I said those exact same words earlier today! Like, those EXACT. SAME. WORDS."

Grayson: "Well, I must be clairvoyant, then."

Nick: "What does 'clairvoyant' mean?"

Grayson: "It means I can read your mind."

Nick: "OH YEAH? WELL I'M A SIDEKICK. I CAN READ MINDS TOO." 

    

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The other day I was preparing lunch for the boys, and Jake asked me to slice an apple for him.

Me: "Do you want me to peel it, or do you want me to leave the peel on?"

Jake: "Peel it. I only like the banana part."

 

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nick and Nathaniel have become quite the little "gamers" since they discovered Minecraft earlier this year. One recent Saturday I took them to a birthday party and then to the park to play:

Nick: "Everyone on Minecraft's gonna be wondering where I am! I've been A-F-K-ing for like three hours."

Me: "A-F-K-ing? What's that?"

Nick: "Away from the keyboard, MOMMY."

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just before Christmas, Jake was asking about Santa bringing the gifts if we were going to be in South Carolina for the holidays. I think I've mentioned before that we don't do Santa (or, we haven't with the older kids, anyway).

Me: "Well, Jake, it won't be a problem ... you'll get all your gifts. Remember? Daddy and I buy all the gifts, so we'll just take them with us."

Nathaniel: "Aww, are you gonna ruin it for HIM, too?"

(So at that moment, I became aware that Nathaniel and Nick want Jake and Amelia to believe in Santa. I think it's kind of cute, but I have no idea how we'll approach it next year.)

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nick was eating a treat after supper recently, and he'd chosen some gummy bears out of his treat basket.

Nick: "Mommy, what are gummy bears made of?"

Me: "I don't know. I guess maybe gelatin? And sugar? And a few other ingredients. Take a look on the side of the box and see what it says."

Nick: [chewing]  "Yeah, it says 'gelatin.' What's in gelatin?"

Me: "Mmm, horse lips, I think."

Nick: [spitting and sputtering]  "That's DISGUSTING! HORSE LIPS?! In GUMMY BEARS?!"  [spits all the gummy bears out and starts scraping his tongue with his fingernails]

Me: "Well, probably not. I have no idea, really. But I was getting you back for making me explain what an 'anus' is to you this morning."

Me: [to Grayson]  "See? This is what being a mother of three boys has reduced me to. Anuses and horse lips."

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nick has picked up some bad words from a friend recently, and I'm not pleased about it. It's actually a combination of a particular friend and the Chat feature in Minecraft, but that's another story. Anyway, he's seen a particular word in print, but had never heard it out loud, and he decided to whip it out the other night while we were on the way home from school. We were driving behind a huge pickup truck that swung suddenly, with no warning, into a driveway.

Me: "A blinker would have been nice, dude."

Nick: "YEAH, DUMB-BISS."

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You may recall that Nick LOVES to shake his booty around the house. Always has. Runs around singing and wagging that thing at us all the time, which cracks us up. Anyway, Nick and Nathaniel love the new Justin Bieber/Nicki Minaj song Beauty and the Beat:

Nathaniel: "Mommy. Will you download that new song we like, the one we were singing on the way home?"

Me: "Which one? The Justin Bieber song?"

Nick: "No, I don't think it's Justin Bieber. It's that one that goes, 'Allllllll I need, is a booty and a beat' ..."

[And that really IS all that child needs.]