Pinch-hitting: The princess's new shoes, by Amelia

Hi, Guys! It's me, Amelia, again! Mommy said I did a good enough job last time that I was allowed to come back and tell you another story.

I don't know if you've heard or not, but I'm like 17 months old, and I've never owned a pair of shoes. Ridonkulous, right? So last week, Mommy finally took me to get a pair. (If I'd known it only took getting ear and eye infections to get her to take me shoe shopping, I would have tried to infect myself a lot earlier. Who knew.)

ANYWAYS. First thing I did was grab a bunch of socks, 'cause I didn't have any of THOSE that fit either. Remember when they took me out in the snow without socks? YEAH, I DO TOO.

I picked out some basic white kicks that I thought would go with pretty much everything in my closet. I'm all about versatility, ya know? But they wouldn't, like, go on my FEET. It was so weird. It was like they LOOKED like they would fit, but when it was time for them to go past my toes, they just wouldn't budge. Huh.

Then some brown ones with pink and white flowers on them caught my eye. Couldn't WAIT to get my hands on those. The nice lady who was helping me said they were stretchy, and maybe they would expand better to go over my fat feet. I'M SORRY WHAT? RUDE.

But then they didn't go past my toes, either. Guys, something's UP with the shoe industry. Brian Williams, get on that.

So I picked out a different brown pair with a little bow on them, because HELLO, NEUTRAL AND CUTE. The nice lady was able to squeeze my foot in there, but ow-ow-ow. Some of my skin was puffed up outside the actual shoe, and I can tell you, it wasn't comfy. I mean, I'll WEAR jeggings for the sake of fashion, but third-choice, too-tight shoes? No.

Finally, I spied a pink pair with some flowers on them. Not as neutral as I wanted them to be, 'cause errbody knows, I can rock a red sweater, and pink shoes don't exactly coordinate. But they fit. So Mommy said if I liked them, I could have them.

And I liked them. I really, really liked them. And I don't mean to brag or anything, but I think they looked really good with my jeggings. Didn't plan it, but sometimes these things just come together, ya know?

I think the nice lady was really relieved we finally found something that would fit over my feet -- which Mommy politely calls "juicy" ... not "FAT." I can't help it if my feet retain water, Lady. IT'S CALLED GRAVITY.

So that's the tale. I gave them a little test run in the store, and they seemed to be in proper working order and all.

Sure hope they don't expect me to start WALKING everywhere now, though. I mean, my preferred method of transportation is still The Carry, but whatevs.

Next order of bidness: convincing these slackers that I need a haircut. I may be a baby, but word at daycare is that mullets aren't really "in" anymore.