Uncomfortable truths, vol. 47

1. My friend Vanessa and I were shopping during Clinique Bonus Days recently. I questioned the Clinique assistant about the "chubby eye stick," which looked like a giant Crayola crayon of eyeshadow. I'M ALL IN. She lowered her voice and said, "It's great, but um, it's sort of, I mean, well, it's not the best for, um, MATURE EYES. It shows, like, every line and wrinkle."

2. It's bad that this is exactly the marriage I want, right? I mean, the Whitney choice notwithstanding.

3. When I was sick earlier this week, while I was pumping Afrin into my nose, I pinched my upper lip with the applicator. Before you go thinking that is no big deal, imagine surprise-clamping a metal binder clip to your upper lip. INSULT TO INJURY, INTERNET.

4. Until about five years ago, I'd never heard the word "biopic" spoken aloud; I'd only read it. And in my head, I pronounced it bi-YAH-pik. So imagine my surprise when I finally heard an interviewer pronounce it on TV as BI-oh-pik. 

5. Some of my Amazon boxes arrive having been sealed with this nifty Amazon Prime packing tape. But other Amazon boxes arrive adorned with plain packing tape.

I want ALL my packages to ship from the distribution center with the Very Pretty Prime Tape. Never noticed what kind of packing tape is used to seal boxes shipped to you by any store, anywhere? No worries. I'LL JUST BE OVER HERE DOING THE THINKING FOR ALL OF US.