Slices of Life, Vol. 45

Grayson popped some popcorn the other night, and the boys each wanted a bowl. They're not allowed to eat it in the den anymore, since the last time I cleaned under the couch cushions, I found about 40 pieces of popcorn ... so now they have to eat it in the kitchen. Not 45 seconds after they'd started eating:

Grayson: "JAKE!"

Jake: "What."

Grayson: "Pick up all the popcorn you spilled all over the floor. And how did it land in the den, anyway? You're not supposed to have the popcorn IN the den."

Jake: "I didun."

Grayson: "Then how did it get all over the carpet?"

Jake: "I dunt know."

Me: "Jake, were you standing in the kitchen or in the den?"

Jake: "It's hahd to say ..."

 



During the week we were without a dishwasher, I often asked Nathaniel to keep Amelia corralled in the den while I washed big loads of dishes in the sink. On one such evening, he headed to the bathroom in the hallway between the kitchen and the den:

Me: "Hey, what about Amelia? Who's watching her?"

Nathaniel: "Oh, I gave her the iPad, a chew toy and the remote. She's good 'til I get back."

The other night, we were driving home along the crest of the mountain at sunset. 

Me: "Boys. Look at the sunset ... it's so beautiful. The sun looks like a big ball of fire."

Nick:  [eyebrows raised]  "You do know that the sun IS a big ball of fire, right?"

 
Also while driving home from school recently:

Nathaniel: "I'm glad we live right in between school and the pool."

Nick: "Why?"

Nathaniel: "I don't know. I just like that we're an equal distance from each one."

Me: "Did you know there's a word for that? It's 'EQUIDISTANT.' We use that when we're talking about things that are an equal distance apart, or EQUALLY DISTANT from one another."

Nathaniel:  [pause]  "I hope they know that all they did was drop the L. I mean, it sounds like an impressive word and all, but really they could've just made it 'EQUALDISTANT.' "

The boys' elementary school tweets the breakfast and lunch menu every evening for the following day, which is really handy because then the boys can tell me if they want me to pack their lunch from home. Recently:

Me: "Hey, boys. Tomorrow, breakfast is pancakes! Sounds yummy."

Nick: "I know! I saw that on the menu at school today."   [then, under his breath]  "Sexy, SEXY pancakes."

When I took Jake to see Mickey's Music Fest in early March, there were several announcements over the PA system prior to the beginning of the show that warned the audience that the show was about to begin. Finally, the announcer did a big countdown: "FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE ... LET'S START THE SHOW!" And the curtain raised, and everything got under way.

We enjoyed the first half of the show, which included big numbers by Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy, as well as the casts of Aladdin and The Little Mermaid. The Aladdin number included acrobatics and smoky visual effects, and The Little Mermaid showcased some ballroom dancing and beautiful neon visual effects. It was so cool! And then it was time for intermission.

Me: "Jakey, what's your favorite part so far?"

Jake: "The countdown!"

Nick: "What's a B word?"

Me: "I'm not getting into this discussion with you today."

Nick: "Mommy. I know pretty much all of the bad words. And somebody said a word today at school that he got in trouble for, and I can't remember what it was. But it started with a B, and now I can't remember it. It wasn't b-i-t-c-h, because I know that one."

Me: "GREAT. Well, I can't think of another B word."

Nick: "Well, there can't be another B word, because if there was, I'd know it already. YouTube is like a DICTIONARY of bad words."

The other day Jake was sort of cupping his "privates" while having a conversation with me in the kitchen. 

Me: "Jakey, do you need to go potty?"

Jake: "No."

Me: "Are you sure? You look uncomfortable."

Jake: "I don't need to."

Me: "Then why are you holding your penis?"

Jake: "Well, sometimes my penis and my other pahts down dare point in diffwent diwections. So I have to move dem awound a widdle bit wiff my hands so day go de same diwection, so I can be com-ftuh-bull."

When we were out at Tannehill State Park for the day, at one point we found ourselves wading in the creek near a family at a picnic table. A woman got up from the table and walked about 40 yards to their conversion van, parked nearby in the lot. She dug around in the van for a minute or so, then shouted several sentences back and forth with the others at the picnic table about whatever it was she couldn't find. (Of note: This family was a little more redneck than most people we know.) (Not judging ... but it is what it is.) 

Nick turned to me, eyebrows raised in surprise, and said, "THAT must be their ACCENTS."

One evening while watching TV:

Jake: "Mommy. Do you know what 'adult fwiends' are?"

Me: "Umm. I don't know. What do you mean?"

Jake: "Dare gwown-ups, who still wike kids."

Me: "Oh! So what adult friends do you have?"

Jake:  [taps his finger on his chin]  "Umm, Mop, Pop, Sawah Ewwen, Miss Anna and Miss Ewwin."

Nathaniel came running in the kitchen the other day, breathless:

Nathaniel: "Mommy. I think I might have found a baby oppossum in the yard. I don't know if it's dead or alive."

Me: "How can you not know if it's dead or alive??"

Nathaniel: "WELL IT'S A 'POSSUM. THEY PLAY DEAD."

Amelia recently got her own iPod, and she knows how to activate virtually every feature on it. The other day I heard the telltale beep that told me Amelia had "called" Siri into action:

Siri: [ding]

Amelia: "Ooh ooh hi-hi-hi ..."

Siri: "Now playing all Maroon Five songs."

[Moves Like Jagger starts]