And so it begins again

The last couple of weeks have been pretty difficult. 

You may have noticed that my blog posts have been a little blunter than usual, or my Tweets a little more acerbic. Or not. Since 98 percent of what comes out of my mouth is sarcasm to begin with, I suppose it's hard to tell when I'm in a bad mood and when I'm just being normal.

Anyway, nothing's gone wrong, but I'm dieting and exercising again, which for me means that all of a sudden I hate everybody and everything. 

It's nothing personal, Internet.

It's just that living a healthy lifestyle brings out the worst in me. Always has. I've opted not to talk about it here so far because, frankly, talking about it makes me think about it, and thinking about it makes me mad. So even though I've tweeted a little about Lean Cuisines and stuff, in general I haven't said much.

But I'm counting my calories and exercising regularly. Again. For about the twelfth time in 15 years. No gimmicks, just the Lose It app on my phone and a new pair of running shoes, plus Miley Cyrus' new song on repeat.  (Judge away, but it's darn catchy.)

If I can stick with it, it will take me about a year to lose what I want (and need) to lose. And I know for some people if they stick with a healthy lifestyle for three months, it becomes a habit, not a chore. But for me, it will always -- ALWAYS -- be a chore.

• I've never experienced a runner's high. I will always prefer Coke to Diet Coke.
• I've never looked forward to exercising. I will always crave three dinner rolls with my supper.
• I've never wanted to run a marathon, or even a half. A 5k will always be ambitious enough for me.
• I look at entrees and vegetables as a means to an end -- as a vehicle for earning dessert. They're never a pleasure in and of themselves ... they're simply a justification for the reward.

So that's why right now, I'm in a mood. An epic mood. And I hate that it might be visible here from time to time -- and if you've been reading here a long time and remember my last diet, you probably remember that dieting also brings out the occasional swear word. I'm going to try really hard not to be obnoxious, and I'm definitely not going to post about it -- at least not regularly. 

At the moment I'm down nine pounds, which is progress I should be celebrating -- but as I mentioned, I'm just ... mad. That's how this works with me. Self-deprivation really sours me on existence. 

But a year from now maybe I'll be ready to drive my first marathon.

Baby steps, Internet.