My Bucket List

1. Pull a paper towel off the roll at work without first pinching off a fingertip's worth ... three times.

2. Throw something in the kitchen trash can without scraping the skin off my index finger on the pantry door jamb.

3. Walk across my bedroom without stepping in fresh cat vomit.

4. Exit Target with a receipt for less than $190.

5. Go parasailing.

ONLY ONE OF THESE IS EVEN REMOTELY LIKELY TO HAPPEN. But it's important to keep the dream alive, Internet. Always keep the dream alive.