FOURTEEN!

Nathaniel,

You’re halfway through 8th grade and several inches taller than I am now. I remember 8th grade much more clearly than you’d think possible at my age, and when I think back to some of the things I did and thoughts that went through my head, I cringe. I think you’re probably more mature than I was at your age, though -- or maybe you’re just a little more reserved. You certainly don’t SAY much, for sure. YOU’RE A YOUNG MAN OF MYSTERY.

I don’t want to make it seem like I think you’re hiding things, because I don’t. I just think because you’re clearly an introvert, and a teenage boy, you’re naturally quieter around me. You have a really small, intimate group of friends that seems to consist of three or four guys AND one girl. She’s a year ahead of you in school and we haven’t met her yet, but she’s kind of your BFF. So, there’s that. DADDY AND I ARE INTRIGUED.

I’m so proud of you for the way you’ve just handled all of your schoolwork in middle school. You come home every day and tackle your assignments and studying, and your grades are top-notch. We never have to badger you about doing it, and you’ve already set a course for your future by declaring an interest in engineering at the high-school level. You’ve got the math and science skills you need (which you didn’t get from moi, no surprise), and I’m so excited to see where the next few years take you.

Sometime over the last year or so you kind of maxed out on playing with your siblings. Now your default is lying on the couch upstairs with three things: your pillow, your blanket and your iPhone. OH, AND THOSE EARBUDS. I’m slightly worried that your earflesh is going to grow around them. Like, permanently. You don’t even take them out to talk to me … you just hit Pause.

Fourteen is super-old. In case you didn’t know. It’s only four years from 18, which is the age I have to officially let you go and send you out into the world, flesh-embedded earbuds and all. I’M NOT READY. For a couple of years after you were born and Daddy was on the road almost full-time, it was just you and me against the world. And even after Nick was born, for a year or so there, it was still mostly you and me with Nick just along for the ride. Now you’re so darn independent and I literally have to look UP to you when I’m standing next to you … it’s so weird. In case nobody’s told you, you’re not a toddler anymore. All this growing happened without my approval or consent, and quite frankly, I’d like to take a moment and turn back time.

In the absence of a magic wand, I just want to tell you how proud I am to be your mom, what an amazing young man I think you’re becoming, and that I always, ALWAYS want you to come home for Christmas. I’ll be lonely without you, my Christmas baby.

I love you,
Mommy